Well, here you are. You failed at a goal you set yourself.
Maybe it was a New Year’s resolution, or maybe it was a longtime dream.
Regardless of what kind of goal it was, it can feel terrible to have failed at achieving something you want. And yet it's a very common experience. People often fail to get things they want and have worked for. Just as common is the urge to dwell on the negative aspects — to say that you didn't want it enough, you weren't good enough, or you just didn't try hard enough.
Ah, finally done with the laundry! (Then you realize the kitchen is a mess.)
Yes, finally finished college! (Then you realize you’re $100,000 in debt and need a job.)
So often the successful completion of one goal leads to innumerable others that expand before you.
I will walk my path with audacity.
The world is missing what I am ready to give.
I rise and shine, and I'm ready to go on my quest.Find it here: http://www.filmsforaction.org/watch/today-i-rise/
Enjoy some real cookies this holiday season. Or some other thing you enjoy but think is “off limits”.
Just do it consciously. Mindfully. Joyfully. And — as we teach in our coaching programs — slowly.
Instead of scarfing it down furtively and waiting for the guilt, savor it. Taste the layers of flavor and try to extract every last one of them.
Stay present and checked in. Choose with purpose. Then move on.
Because, with the right approach:
You can enjoy food, connect with others, and be healthy and fit.
All at the same time.
You know the scene. Family gathering. Aunts, uncles, cousins, distant family friends you haven’t seen in ages. All eyes on you as you come in. Hugging. And … body policing time! Maybe it’s, “Oh honey! You look great! You’ve definitely lost weight. Tell me your secrets!” Or, maybe they only say that to your sister while you smile with dead eyes nearby. (Smiley face). Whether or not this scene reflects your Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or Festivus traditions, any gathering of people you don’t see regularly is sure to reflect some characteristics of the traditional body policing bonanza.
A recent survey from the Physical Activity Council revealed that one in four Americans didn't exercise at ALL last year. Not once, in an entire year! 28% of our population did not engage in what their bodies were DESIGNED for for 365 days straight. Let that sink in for a minute.
Gyms have always been weird to me, even as a gym owner. The thought of creating a space where we have to go and perform motions which imitate the work our bodies were designed to do on the daily simply because our daily lives have been reduced to sitting behind desks is a little existentially mind blowing for me, to be honest.
But, the fact is, this is where we are. So how do we solve this, before that 28% of our population grows to 30%, 40%, 50%?! And keep in mind the 28% covers individuals who didn't exercise one time. Imagine how many only went to the gym once or twice last year, only to leave feeling defeated.
There are only imperfect, wonderful, messy, very-much-human beings with hopes and fears and desires and neuroses and jobs and lives and kids and dogs or cats and family demands and toilets that need unclogging and lines-becoming-wrinkles and hangnails and alarms that go off too early and a love of chocolate-chip cookies… and all the rest of reality.
Like you.
Like me.
Like all of us.
“We’re all bozos on the bus,” said Woodstock MC Wavy Gravy in 1969, “so we might as well sit back and enjoy the ride.”
Boy, not only was my quest for thinness unhealthy physically. It was also extremely unhealthy mentally and emotionally. My obsession with being a certain weight not only stunted my potential growth as a fitness professional. It stunted my personal growth as an intelligent, fulfilled woman.
So long as I focused on being less, that is exactly what I got. Less. Less of everything. Less life fulfillment. Less mental energy for things that mattered. Less happiness. Less contentment. Less brain space for information that could take me places. Less joy in being me.
It can feel good to work up a sweat, and a bit of soreness can serve as a nice reminder that we moved our bodies. However, the sad truth is that neither of those things means much, if anything, with regard to how beneficial the workout was. Those things may feel nice emotionally, but they don’t always have a solid physiological carryover.
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The body treats training as a form of stress and reacts to it the same way that it reacts to anything else that’s stressful—sick kids, a looming work deadline, or being chased by a bear. Training can feel good emotionally, but stress is stress is stress, and cortisol will always respond accordingly.
Can we be reasonable in our approach? Can we be intentional with our goals without having to go to extremes to get there? Let’s find a happy medium and enjoy the things that life offers. We can find middle ground in all areas – family, friends, fitness, nutrition, and work. Do you have areas to improve in, or do you already see yourself living somewhere in the middle of bullshit and insanity?I am working on living in the sustainable middle...join me!
Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
-Thomas Alva Edison
I want to scream at everyone, look at me! I’m alive, damn it! I feed myself, I clothe myself, I put myself to bed, I manage my emails, and I even put mousse in my hair. I am alive! And I have survived EVERYTHING up until this point. I’ve never been addicted to drugs! I’ve never gotten a DUI! I have a decent credit score!
I write important pieces and I teach girls how to dance and I stand up for what I believe in and I stand up for those who don’t have a voice and I love hard and I work harder and I follow my heart!
How is it that when you look at me, you can’t SEE that?!
That’s what I want to scream!
Being fat, is honestly the most miniscule thing compared to all the other motha fuckin’ THINGS!
I think what most of us really want is an easier life, not necessarily a more wholesome one. We want less trouble and more enjoyment, probably more so than we want achievement and virtue. But what we often overlook is that embracing difficulty in certain places nets us a lot more ease than our usual “easy” ways. Putting in three hours a week at the gym is easier than being out of shape 24 hours a day. Studying is easier than sitting in an exam room not having studied. Doing a good job at work is easier than wondering when they’ll finally fire you.
I’m used to thinking of ease and difficulty as a pretty straightforward dichotomy: we want more of one and less of the other. And maybe in a sense that’s true, but they are often found in the same place and come together as a package. A small amount of difficulty often serves as the gatekeeper to a large amount of ease.
We end up with needlessly difficult lives because we have trouble recognizing ease when it’s hidden behind difficulty. It’s hard to see, for example, in that difficult moment when you’re about to walk into a gym for the first time, that you are taking the path of greater ease: if you get yourself through that short, difficult experience, your life quickly begins to lose a lot of difficulty. Beyond the gate, your health situation is easier, dating is easier, clothes shopping is easier, and so is virtually any physically demanding task you can think of, possibly for the rest of your life. All of this ease is bought for three hours a week, which themselves quickly (and permanently) become many times easier than they were the first time.And so much more.
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What I have learnt to be extremely crucial in looking at the matter is another way of defining it: burning out is result of not being able to do what you love or what is important to you regularly.
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The solution is actually quite simple: do what you love and is important to you regularly.
Another way to look at it is to ask yourself: what is it that you absolutely cannot miss out?
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Many women who binge and restrict would like to stop bingeing before they stop restricting. They think that they will lose whatever progress they have achieved, in terms of caloric deficits, if they stop restricting first. They anticipate continuing to over-eat, even while they are not restricting. This is an understandable fear — and trust me when I say that I understand how powerful fear can be as a human being in this precarious state. However: this is impossible. Deliberate restriction necessarily begets bingeing behavior. Necessarily. Restriction must be phased out of our lives before we can stop over-eating. Willpower does not do the trick. Hard-lined restriction does not win. Love does.
http://paleoforwomen.com/the-most-common-pattern-of-overeating-and-how-to-stop/
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Operating on the back-up power reserves of my body, of my mind and of my spirit, everything in me was saying, Please stop moving; I just want to lie around like a bump on a log and not think or do or be mindful or be grateful or be anything other than the sad and miserable person that I feel like right now.
Do you know that feeling?
That feeling of knowing that you’ve pushed yourself beyond the very limits of who you are and that what you need is rest, and downtime…and you-time, really, but here you are, anyway, still moving and speaking and functioning and how is that possible?
Numbers used to rule my life. Whether it was the number on the scale, the number on the tag in my jeans or the amount of miles I ran each week, I lived by them. I relentlessly pursued perfection by using numbers as milestones. If I could weigh a certain amount, wear a certain size or boast a certain 5K time, I was bound to be happy.
Right?
Wrong.
It was an empty pursuit. I didn't find perfection when I hit the milestones I set. Numbers didn't make me love myself. In fact, quite the opposite happened on many occasions. If the dreaded weigh ins did not reflect the desired result, I plunged deeper into self-loathing. If I didn't PR (personal record in running lingo) at every race I ran, I was a complete and utter FAILURE. If I DID hit my goal of weight, size or speed, my happiness was fleeting. In that split second, I felt the excitement of achieving something I had worked so hard for, but it never lasted. Like an addict with their drug of choice, I was on to the next weight goal, the next size down, the next fastest time.
Sometimes, often actually, I forget that I am powerful.
I lose hope. I give into depression, anxiety and the million nagging questions that scream through my head demanding to know what hell I am doing with my life.
I’ve traveled all over the world and have gone on long silent meditation retreats looking for solace. I’ve seen therapists and psychiatrists. I’ve swallowed both antidepressants and alcohol as wishful remedies.
Through all this, I’ve learned that as much as my thoughts can cause me pain, they can also lead to my salvation. I’ve cultivated my own faith based on five positive messages. Call them mantras, personal life mottos or supplications to the divine. In any case, these messages, along with my best intentions, have helped me find courage and strength during difficult times.
http://www.disruptyourdiet.com/blog/how-to-lose-weight
http://www.disruptyourdiet.com/blog/how-to-lose-weight
Whoever People magazine deems “most beautiful” this year is just a representation of what has bubbled up in the cauldron of pop culture. That silhouette of the “ideal woman” has been put through a series of fun house mirrors (fashion, movies, pop music, politics). It also changes year over year, so the physical qualities we embrace today are often at odds with those from previous generations.
To prove our point, we’re taking a closer look at body ideals over the last 100 years—which shows that, as they say on Project Runway, “In fashion, one day you’re in, and the next day you’re out.”
I see lots of women who are just overloaded. They have a full-time job, children to raise, a marriage to maintain, other family members to deal with, social obligations and Lord knows what else. Growing up, the message for some women was, "you can have it all!" And so, we thought that was the ideal to pursue: having it ALL.
These same women desperately try to make it all work as perfectly as they can. And they are so HARD on themselves because they aren't Superwoman. You see, they have ALL OF THAT responsibility that I listed above and then wonder why they can't muster up more energy to work out five days a week and look like a fitness model.
"But, look at Susie over there! She has just as much on her plate and can do it! She can go to Zumba five times a week!! And she wears a size 4!"
"I commute an hour each way, am responsible for feeding my family, have to help my kids with their homework, and, well, I know I'm just making excuses, but...I'm just too tired to go to the gym. I wish I weren't so lazy."
BUT REMEMBER YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL LADIES! YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE!!
Well, what if I don't WANT IT ALL?? What if I can't HANDLE it all???
http://cyndilourunning.blogspot.com/2015/05/you-can-have-it-all.html
When I step outside into nature, it’s as though I’m stepping into a world that was designed for me to play and move in. There are trees that seem made for climbing, taunting me with their low-hanging branches. Rocks that have been set up with the perfect jumping distance between them daring me to give it a go. Fascinating trail heads that pique my curiosity asking me to figure out where the path leads to.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsL7W-GHhJA
The Overkill Cult is a cultural delusion that working 60+ hour weeks at the expense of everything else in our lives is not only a necessary part of success, but that doing so is somehow honorable.
The insidious thing about the Overkill Cult is that it masquerades as all the things we like most about ourselves: dedication, ambition, follow-through, responsibility.
It tells us to push harder, stay later, sleep when we’re dead. It tells us we’re never going to get ahead if we don’t show up first and go home last.
Cleverly, wickedly, the Overkill Cult persuades us to hang ourselves with our own strengths.
And if we don’t break free, we’re all going to die.
“How could anyone take seriously anything written by an author whose accompanying picture makes her look like a tramp, with greasy, matted, uncombed hair?” a fellow named David wrote me recently.
“For heaven sake, comb your hair,” offered a woman named Jacquie. “Your picture instills not one iota of a knowledgeable person.”
“I would ask you to develop some insight,” wrote Amy, “but anyone who thinks the hairstyle you have is attractive likely is overflowing with too much narcissism to grasp the idea of personal insight.”
“Hair is a powerful symbol for women,” she said. “It’s where a woman’s appearance sort of begins, at the top of the body. When women have unruly hair they are considered to be disobedient and uncontrollable.”Well, then, good. Because
Well-behaved women seldom make history. -Laurel Thatcher UlrichTo judge someone based on their hair is bullshit. And all too common. But seriously, complete, utter, total bullshit. And the same is true for every other aspect of appearance that we use to be Judgy McJudgersons.
It's time we all stopped being so busy.
It's become a bit cultish, really. Or like a badge of honor. It has become unacceptable to be anything but busy. But beyond that, it has become an unfortunate way we keep from truly engaging with each other, and with the present moment.
I'm not suggesting we quit our jobs or shirk our responsibilities; what I am proposing is a shift in attitude that requires a few simple, meaningful changes.
Imagine that you had a lover, and every activity with him or her brought feelings of anxiety. You spent lots of time together, but you were always overwhelmed and looking ahead to the next time you would meet and wonder how that would be. When we are constantly wrapped up in a state of overwhelm, this is what we are doing to our lives.
It isn't change that terrifies us; it is the fear of change that keeps us locked into the same old failing patterns in our lives. Often, the fear of change is such a powerful force that many would rather die than face the perceived demons and you can see this in every smoker or seriously overweight person. This person desperately wants change, but the perceived process of making this change is far scarier than to just keep on keeping on with the same old failing behavior. What the person is doing isn't working for him, but changing is far scarier than just dying slowly. This fear usually turns out to be the invisible monster under your child's bed that is imagination and dustballs and never the horrible reality we anticipate. The longer the mind dwells on the possibility of change, the faster it moves toward worse case scenario. If you are fearful of change in your life or business, focus on what might work rather than spend all your time anticipating the absolute worst case ever; that seldom ever happens except in your mind. Ask yourself this, "What if it works? Where will I be then?" Focus on the best case and let the silly monster stay under the bed with your old sweat socks where he belongs.
Remember high school? The social politics were ridiculous. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t wait to be an adult!
I knew that I would grow up, and all of that “popular kids” vs “nobodies” stuff would go away.
Somehow, though, “grown-up life” ended up feeling like more of the same. Except now the comparisons were of new homes, jobs and designer diaper bags!
The thing is, that as long as you are looking for it, you will always find someone who has something that seems better than what you have.
There is always a woman who just seems to have you beat in some way. She seems more successful. She seems to have her life together, is smarter, more charming. More whatever.A great post; go read the tips here: http://www.girlsgonestrong.com/4-ways-to-stop-feeling-jealous-of-other-women/
Oftentimes though, our biggest untapped potential lives in the places that we are most resistant to going, that we are most afraid of. So, we decide to play small in our lives. We don’t risk. We don’t stand in the scarier arenas. We maintain status quo. The more we avoid taking care of our mind, body and souls, of doing the uncomfortable internal and external work to keep ourselves in our best mental and physical space, the less we take action. We become more afraid of external judgment, and the less we are willing to risk.
The more we ignore clearing the space of our CRAP, the more we become stuck in cycles of how things should look, of what other people think, how RIGHT we are, and how WRONG others are. We shift blame. We get caught up in US versus THEM. We live in our own bubble, numbed and protected, and leaving our potential totally untapped.
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| Typical shopping cart. |
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| 3/17, the day I started Whole30 It actually doesn't look too bad here. |
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| 3/24, one week in It's worse! And I double-checked: these dates are correct. So glad I didn't give up at this point. |
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| 4/1, two weeks in This would be the point where I posted a message to Whole9's FB page and asked whether I should cut out more because it felt like I was making no progress at all. And their reply was essentially, "Patience, Grasshoppah." |
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| 4/8, three weeks in Some progress, but not great. |
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| 4/15, four weeks in Awful giant cysts have stopped! |
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| 4/21, five weeks in, & ready to test. Taken two days after adding daily soy intake. |
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| 4/25, six days after adding daily soy intake. Cysts return with a vengeance. Soy is now on the "Never worth eating" list. |
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| 5/1, 8 days after stopping daily soy intake. No cysts! For my skin, this is essentially clear; these are just old blemishes still healing, nothing NEW showing up. Time to test something else. |
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| Obviously I am wearing makeup, but there isn't a single blemish under there, I swear! |
http://www.niashanks.com/be-more-not-less/
What do you want to be?
If you are feeling stuck, uninspired, disrespected, and below your potential, I need you to know that it’s OK to walk away. It’s OK to dream bigger and to believe you’re capable of more. You are capable of more. You deserve to be happy at work; no matter what type of work you do.
The fact that you have a body — regardless of your appearance or ability level — means that you innately have access to physical power. Your body is an instrument to be used for your benefit, and not a burden to drag around, hiding and fixing along the way. Want to develop positive body image? When you learn to value your body for what it can do rather than what it looks like, you improve your body image and gain a more powerful sense of control. The truth is, regardless of what you look like, or what you think you look like, you can feel good about yourself because you are not your appearance.
