Thursday, December 17, 2015

Why all the effort?

A few weeks ago, I had long, curly hair, about to my waist. It was gorgeous, a beautiful spiraling waterfall of the family curls.

But as a runner encountering summer, I began to think about how HOT & annoying it was. I realized how often it was a pain, and when I began looking back at old pictures, I became ready to go short again. Short wouldn't be a gorgeous waterfall of curls, but it would still be cute enough (I wouldn't look odd), and it would be EASIER.

I spent a full week stopping myself every time I thought about my hair, and asking how short hair would change this problem/situation/thought, until I was still 100% certain I wanted to chop it.

Within 24 hours of my cut, I had thought to myself at least 24 times: I can't believe I waited so long!

I was astounded at how much work & annoyance my long hair had become, in so many tiny ways:
  • Gobs of product to have it look good (about 4x what I use now). 
  • Stupidly-long showers spent working the conditioner through and pulling out the knots.
  • Going to bed with hair that felt like cold, wet, gross seaweed, hating for it to touch my back before I was in bed & it could lay on my pillow behind me (like cold, wet, gross seaweed).
  • Styling options limited by the day's workout (can't bench with an updo, yo).
  • Playing with it while thinking, like I was 12.
  • HOT.
  • Holding it down in the wind, lest it become a frizzy frazzled mess.
  • on and on

After the cut, I had a couple people ask me what my husband thought of my new hair, and my answer was essentially, "Don't know, don't care. It's not his hair." (With varying levels of accompanying expletives based on the asker.)

I've not asked him. I don't care about his opinion, I care about MINE. He wasn't the one dealing with the annoyances above, so why would he get a say in whether or not I should keep it that way? Whether my hair is long or short or gone, he loves me, and I know this. I know this because that's how I feel about him. I don't tell him to shave his head, or to have a goatee. As long as he looks reasonably presentable to society, I'm cool with his appearance. And vice versa.

And the same is true for everyone I love, and everyone who loves me. Their opinions are unimportant. I might think my friend Becky looks amazing with her hair down, but if she loves the daily ponytail that gets it out of her face, well, what the hell does my opinion matter? It doesn't. And her preference for my long curly waterfall doesn't even slightly impact my preference for short & easy.

Reflecting on allathat got me wondering...how much else am I holding onto, just because I think I should?

What else are ALL OF US doing, that we don't truly enjoy doing, but don't yet feel brave or confident enough to stop doing?

I can think of many other cuts from my life recently. All of these are small moves, with fabulous results:
  • no more nail polish: haven't missed it for a second
  • no more eyeshadow or eyeliner: sure, I look better with it, but I also look fine without it - and I don't miss it
  • Twitter & Instagram & Pinterest & all the rest besides FB & DM: I don't feel I'm missing out
  • TV: haven't watched it in months
  • email newsletter subscriptions: if I'm just deleting them without reading, or stacking them up in my "to read" folder (which I never get to), then I just unsubscribe
  • news: I don't bother, because mostly negative (if there's an important story, I'll hear about it somehow - but I don't need most of it)
  • Facebook friends 
    • who only post complaints: if I don't want to blatantly unfriend them, I hide their posts
    • who often share annoying shit but are otherwise cool: I hide the sources of their shared political posts & recipes & whatever
    • who I wouldn't ever stop to talk to in the grocery store: unfriend 
    • pages I've liked that post multiple times per day, every day, or only share links that I never click on, or are constantly outraged & up in arms (even if it's a cause I agree with): unfollow
    • who share clickbait bullshit ("you won't believe #8!"): never click, EVER, and hide them

Clothing choices, grooming choices, workout choices, friend choices, food choices, activity choices, job choices, housing choices...so many possible annoyances we've built into our lives, without even thinking about it, without ACTIVELY CHOOSING them, but merely going along with society's norms.

Decide to live a FUCK YES kind of life. Decide to cut out everything that isn't FUCK YES.

What is weighing you down because it's actually someone else's choice that you're doing it, be it society or significant others or parents or peers or boss?

Can you make your OWN decision instead?

What will that bravery cost you?

Oh, but my friend, what will it GAIN you?

--

A side note, I wrote this many months ago, left it in draft stage, because it felt like there was much more clarity I could bring if I took the time to polish it up. Well, 6 months later, here it still sits. I've got lots of these half-baked ideas in draft stage, and I'm throwing them out to sink or swim without much further assistance. You want to write and get better at it, then damn it, you write, and you share it, and you write some more. It's a blog, for fuck's sake. Do I want to share worthwhile thoughts, and possibly help people, or don't I? There is not much point to write things and keep them hidden, nor to wait for perfection. Fuck perfection.

I'm saying it again, just to make sure you saw it: fuck perfection.

It's time to help.

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