Body Shaming: Never Ever Okay

Erin Brown is the kind of woman I want to be. So much of what she writes feels like a punch to the gut, a light shone on my dark past, and a warm bear hug - sometimes all at once. She is brilliant, articulate, and I will read anything she writes. I recommend you do the same.

Shaming someone based on assumptions we make from our perception of them does nothing at all to encourage healthy choices. That remains the same, regardless of the size of the person on whose body we are commenting. While we are not expected to know what someone is going through, we can offer compassion by not judging, not offering commentary and not making their appearance our business. 

To live in a world where women are regarded as people and not decoration, we need to stop making comments on other women’s appearance as though it is our right to do so. We’ll be doing each other a favor.

https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/body-shaming-any-body/

One Story, Among Many

How one woman got her mental shit together and learned to focus on her health, and enjoy fitness, not just try to "fix" her appearance.

Your triggers may differ, your process may differ, your end result can be the same.

http://www.meghancallawayfitness.com/my-blog/owning-it-how-finally-being-true-to-myself-helped-my-workouts-and-nutrition-evolve-for-the-better

You Are More Than Your Body (Fat)

Neghar, bless her smart heart, has a great post here:

In the last few years, I’ve had the extreme pleasure of fully regaining my worthiness and completely detaching it from my physique. A number of these universal truths contributed to that process.

I want to share five mindset shifts that helped me in my process, and that you might find helpful as well, whether you’ve just begun your journey to body acceptance, or you’re well on the way.

Great stuff: https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/your-body/

A Cover Girl Lays Bare

This is heartbreaking. I suspect just about any model could have written this sad story.

Due to the stimulants of nicotine and caffeine, and the gnawing hunger pains, I rarely slept. Even when I tried to lie down I was jacked up and restless, barely able to shut my eyes. So I took pills to sleep. What a gnarly existence. So many vicious cycles they're impossible to trace. I slept about an hour a night. But sometimes I was so tired from partying, jet lag and an utter lack of nutrition, that I'd stay asleep for 15 hours straight. As you can see, insecurity and the endless desire to look perfect were the only consistent things in my life.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/lifestyle/fashion/the-truth-about-modelling-what-i-wish-i8217d-said-to-my-fans/story-fni0dflu-1226700441983

Fitspiration Takedown

Fitspiration is one of those many things that means well (I hope) but encourages unhealthy extremes and bullshit thinking and actually reinforces the same shit that society tells us: it's all about how you look. It's not how you feel each day, not the little daily-life things that get easier, not the energy you have to play tag with your kids.

No, those things aren't enough. You must beat yourself to a pulp to look like the cover of the magazine, only it's a fitness magazine, so, you know, it's better.

NO.

The fitness industry—from gyms to clothing manufacturers—collectively produces more propaganda than North Korea, a lot of it just as crazy.

http://reembody.me/2013/09/10/the-6-most-shockingly-irresponsible-fitspiration-photos/

Radical Vanity

When a woman sees herself as ugly, fat, stupid, bad, unlikeable, incompetent, or unworthy, what she’s seeing isn’t the truth; it’s just the cognitive distortion she’s been practicing and refining her whole life.

That’s the key, though: Your self-image is the product of practice and refinement. It’s not something you’re stuck with.

It’s something you’re constantly creating. It’s based on what you train your mind to pay attention to, what you do and say, and how you choose to receive information about yourself. This means that your negative self-image, though encouraged at every turn, is something that you are actually doing to yourself. Surviving it requires Radical Vanity.

https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/blog/confidence/radical-vanity/

One Size: Nonsense

As a not-fat, but also not-thin, woman myself, and one who doesn't "have curves in all the right places," I thoroughly enjoyed this article.

Thought-provoking stuff.

As consumers, we naturally know a good deal more of obesity as a narrative than we do of its actual scientific and social ramifications. Daily we're fed the message that "fat is bad," so it makes sense that we'd look at plus-sized people as bad too. Of course, it doesn't actually make sense if you take a step back and really think about it. But few are going to bother with true critical thought. And that apathy is the foundation upon which bias is built.

We know we're not supposed to be bullies though (another buzzword still bouncing around the zeitgeist) so we no longer point and laugh at the fat girl, at least not as willingly. Fat Monica for example, would never fly today because she's a cruel caricature defined only by her love of full-fat mayonnaise and inability to get laid. Mocking or rejecting a woman because of her size would be mean, and we're not mean. Now, we're concerned. She's not funny or gross — she's unhealthy. 

http://www.refinery29.com/2016/04/108418/medium-size-women-body-positivity-amy-schumer

Shame on...Almost Everyone

Dallas Hartwig is a genius, yo. And I just discovered he has his own blog, which I am currently devouring.

Here he writes up a great post about how subtle tidbits of body-shaming are used to promote just about anything & everything, and it made me rage-y to recognize how pathetically often these tactics are used - and accepted.

http://dallashartwig.com/bone-broth-shame-book-sales/

Yeah, but WHY?

Neghar drops some knowledge bombs about her switch from leanness to easy comfort:

I was hustling to be lean… because I was hustling to be lean. 

I wasn’t competing.  I wasn’t even modeling at that point. I just needed—desperately—to be lean. There was no other reason, or no real reason, anyway.

Why did I need to be so lean? Why was my body fat the main focus of my entire life? Why did I struggle, and hustle, and cry when the scale showed a one-pound gain?

Read it all, and ask yourself for your own WHY: https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/transform-your-workout/

I've said it before, and I'll say it until I die: no one who matters cares how lean you are.

Go live your life, darling.

So Much More Than Beauty

I dearly wish I had grown up this way:

The things is, in terms of importance, being physically attractive lagged WAY behind being funny, smart, hard-working, brave, creative, and about a thousand other qualities in my book. I actually regarded “beautiful” as a pretty lousy compliment, almost a back-handed insult. It seemed to me that you would only compliment someone’s appearance if they didn’t have many inner riches, and my mother was clearly bursting at the seams with inner riches. I could have complimented my mom all day, and “beautiful” never would have come up. There were simply too many other, more important, things to compliment.

http://jessikneeland.com/my-mother-wasnt-beautiful/

This entire post is an incredible tribute to a mother who raised her daughter to believe beauty was unimportant.

Please read it, especially if you are a parent, most especially if you have a daughter. Teach her that everything else about HER is much more vital than her outer shell.

How to Love Your Big Legs (or Booty, or Stomach, or Whatever)

I have always had people become extremely uncomfortable with the size of my legs and derriere.  This led to me having somewhat of a complex about them. I would dream of having smaller legs that people would stop looking at. I’d look in the mirror and cry that they were so B I G!

Sound familiar? Read how my girl Holea got over that nonsense.

I'm on the same path. Not there yet, not every day, but I'm certain it's the rightest path.

http://holeabruggman.com/sorry-not-sorry/

Healthy At Every Size

I am quite in love with that Stefani recently wrote about this movement:

http://paleoforwomen.com/why-i-love-healthy-at-every-size/

Let's Bulk. Or Not. Whatever.

Lifting heavy weights may or may not make you bulky; as in almost all things, it depends entirely on your body type.

Regardless of your body's propensity, I hope that reading this article is likely to make you want to lift weights for the sheer awesomeness of it: www.girlsgonestrong.com/heavy-bulky/

I can tell you that I used to look at a friend's defined, larger arms and think they were unfeminine...but once I started lifting, I began to be jealous of her arms.

I can now celebrate my own big arms, my wide lats, my ski-jump traps.

Yet despite such celebration, I actually don't give a rat's ass whether my muscles are big or small - because the size is simply a visual representation of my strength, which is my most precious possession.

I care primarily that my muscles are strong, and they can look however my genes will make them look.

That freedom from appearance-driven results has been a paradigm shift for women who have discovered heavy lifting may or may not lead to bulk muscles, but definitely leads to confidence, pride, strength, and health.

Join us!

Seek Health, Receive Broken Bone

One woman's search for health results in an eating disorder, an exercise disorder, and a broken leg.

My fellow overachievers and perfectionists, this is our future if we don't get perspective:

http://www.ravishly.com/2016/02/25/time-my-eating-disorder-broke-my-leg

We must exercise with intelligence, we must eat enough to fuel our lives, and we must put leanness in a lower category than our long-term health.

Period.

Zero arguments allowed.

Being Big - And Loving It

I aspire to have this mentality. Erin Brown is my idol. I recently acquired her book and can't wait to dive in.

Since I let go of my own damaging self-talk, I have found so many things to love and celebrate about my body at every size. But here is what I enjoy about being big:

It feels rebellious.

Having spent so much time and energy in the past beating myself up for being big, loving my bigness feels like a revolution. There are so many ways women are asked to be small, that being proud of being “big” feels wonderfully radical. It’s a tiny victory in a lifetime of feeling shame over my size.

 https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/big/

This Is My Body

This post by Molly Galbraith made the rapid rounds of the interwebz a wee bit ago: https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/this-is-my-body/

My fervent desire is that you could write the same sort of post, with your own picture. Edit and tweak for your body's history is, where it has been, what you have done to it. BUT finish up with these same words of love:

This is a body that I spent too much time, energy, and mental space wishing would look differently.

And today? 

Today this is a body that is loved, adored, and cherished by the only person whose opinion matters — ME.

A Little Fat Is Fine

I'm so, so, so WITH HER on this. It's where I've been for a while now, and it's so much easier/better/happier.

In 2016, I’m committed to using my mental and physical capacity to spread love, create joy, enrich my life and the lives of the people I encounter, and stop myself when my effort seeps into pursuing leanness for leanness sake. Because there is no additional benefit from being leaner than the optimal level for health.

(she highlighted the above...I'd highlight the below)

And the effort that it can absorb could be used elsewhere for things that actually matter.

Read it all: http://askgeorgie.com/why-im-ok-with-getting-fatter-in-2016/

Look, I don't need to know a thing about you, to know this with certainty: your appearance is not the first thing that people think of, when they think about you.

I'd bet my back-squat-built ass that it's not.

And I can tell you what is: your kindness, your generosity, your listening skills, your intelligence, your "zOMG I haven't seen you in forever"-feeling hugs, your intense gaze, your loud laughter, your playful nature, your pet-whisperer skills, your delight in simple things, your love of baking, your debating skills, your perfect pot of coffee...all of that, and more.

These are the many important ways you create a lasting, loving impact on your people. Not with flat abs, non-jiggly arms, or cellulite-free thighs.

I agree in full with her highlight on this sentence:

I dare to think my life might be more “Wow” if I stopped working so hard on making sure my body was.

http://askgeorgie.com/why-im-ok-with-getting-fatter-in-2016/

--

Side note: I haven't read her book, and I really want to put a shirt on her on that cover (because that's a pretty unrealistic target for most of us, and what's the point of those perfect abs, again?) BUT healthy habits are where it's at, and the things I HAVE read in her blog all jive with me. So, at least start there.

Support Your Healthy Self-Image

This is not just the usual "give yourself compliments!" positivity, although that can be important, too - these are simple, straight-forward actions that you might not realize can be highly impactful and relevant.

I love this one especially, completely, with every fiber of my attractive pink guts:

...when you are handing out compliments, be aware what beast you are feeding. Are you encouraging narcissistic behaviour by only ever commenting on someone’s appearance and neglecting their other qualities? When was the last time you left a comment on a friend’s Instagram telling them what a great eye for photography they have, or how you admire their original way of thinking?

http://whole9life.com/2014/09/self-esteem/

Holiday Survival Guide

Here we go, it's party season! Cue the focus on appearance as health, as worth, as everything!

You know the scene. Family gathering. Aunts, uncles, cousins, distant family friends you haven’t seen in ages. All eyes on you as you come in. Hugging. And … body policing time! Maybe it’s, “Oh honey! You look great! You’ve definitely lost weight. Tell me your secrets!” Or, maybe they only say that to your sister while you smile with dead eyes nearby. (Smiley face). Whether or not this scene reflects your Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or Festivus traditions, any gathering of people you don’t see regularly is sure to reflect some characteristics of the traditional body policing bonanza.

You can combat it. You can be the change you wish to see in this world, with tips & reminders found here: http://www.beautyredefined.net/holiday-survival-guide/

Thinner or BETTER?

I recommend always choosing better. That's where satisfaction lies.

- A girl who's been both

Boy, not only was my quest for thinness unhealthy physically. It was also extremely unhealthy mentally and emotionally. My obsession with being a certain weight not only stunted my potential growth as a fitness professional. It stunted my personal growth as an intelligent, fulfilled woman.

So long as I focused on being less, that is exactly what I got. Less. Less of everything. Less life fulfillment. Less mental energy for things that mattered. Less happiness. Less contentment. Less brain space for information that could take me places. Less joy in being me.

Read it all: http://www.realfitlife.net/#!Fitness-Thinner-isnt-always-better/cqm6/55eedfa30cf23d0feffe53c7