You Are Not In Competition With Your Past Self

Oh, beloved Neghar, how do you so eloquently speak to my very SOUL?

Used to. As if somehow my younger, once stronger self was in competition with my present self.

...

Used to. As if today I am less worthy and less of an athlete because I can’t do what I did in the past.

...

Used to is just another sneaky way in which my inner critic uses shame and unworthiness to spur some sort of misguided ambition.

But it doesn’t really work that way, does it? Shame doesn’t inspire us to work harder or smarter. It simply keeps us feeling small.

Quick read, go enjoy it: https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/blog/mindset/used-to/

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THIS is why I get upset by fitspiration-type encouragement instructing me not to worry about comparing myself to others, but rather to my past self.

This is utter fucking bullshit.

My past self has done some amazing things that today's self is not capable of. And when I take in the highlights ONLY (the effortless 50k, the Boston-qualifying marathon, the 25 ring pull-ups, the 5-pounds-from-bodyweight bench press, the 265# deadlift, the 162 snatches in 5 minutes) I inconveniently forget the very important tidbit that all of these happened at very different times, NOT ALL AT ONCE.

The time of my BQ marathon, I probably could've deadlifted half my current max. The day I did 25x4 ring pulls, I wouldn't have been capable of 25k without massive struggle and pain. The day I killed All The Snatches, I hadn't run more than 3 miles in months.

But that's consistently FORGOTTEN when I look back. My internal voice never points this very important fact out to me. Ever.

So, basically, in her viewpoint...all I can do is fail, compared to my past.

Yet given constantly-changing circumstances in my training, my home, my job(s), my health, my mental state, why on earth do I think that I should continue to improve in ALL areas of my strength and NEVER see decreases? I am not actually Wonder Woman, despite all desire to the contrary. I am a normal human, who will progress, and regress, depending on countless factors, many of which are out of my control.

As long as I am doing my best effort with the body I have TODAY, then whatever I "used to" be capable of is irrelevant.

Here's the competition and comparison you (and I)  can & should choose: what does IDEAL you choose to do today?

Do that. Don't do what s/he would not. Don't judge yourself on the outcome, merely choose the process that Ideal You would choose.

Make only that effort.

Many tomorrows in the future, you will be able to look back and see that each day, you did what you wanted & needed to do, and you will find immense satisfaction in yourself. And again on that future day, you can choose to do what Ideal You would do THAT DAY, without judgment.

It's that simple.

And that hard.