Fighting Wolves

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."

He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

-Cherokee legend

Bullshit vs Insanity

Yet another post where I find myself nodding along, thinking I could have written most of it myself.

http://iamcoachfowler.com/2015/09/01/finding-solace-somewhere-between-bullshit-insanity/

Can we be reasonable in our approach? Can we be intentional with our goals without having to go to extremes to get there? Let’s find a happy medium and enjoy the things that life offers. We can find middle ground in all areas – family, friends, fitness, nutrition, and work. Do you have areas to improve in, or do you already see yourself living somewhere in the middle of bullshit and insanity?

I am working on living in the sustainable middle...join me!

http://iamcoachfowler.com/2015/09/01/finding-solace-somewhere-between-bullshit-insanity/

Chase Your Dream Job

Where are you in this bubble?

I love accounting & spreadsheeting & bookkeeping and all the usual office-y things (truly, I love them!), and I'm good at it. BONUS: the world needs it, and will pay for it.

So, bliss found: just go do accounting, right?

Almost. I've been doing accounting for the past 16 years, and I've come to an additional realization: WHERE I do it, WHO my time is benefitting, also matters to me. Hugely. The only thing in this world that I have complete & total control over is what I do with my time.

I simply cannot spend my time, my one most precious & completely priceless commodity, at a business that I don't care about. Now, I used to care about the company I just left (after 9.5 years), but it changed; I still cared about the people, but not about its mission & goals. I don't think the world needs the product they are selling. I no longer enjoyed my daily work because of the unreasonable demands on my time. I've been hanging out in the "career" & "satisfaction" crossover of the bubbles for the past year or two. But I simply didn't feel fulfilled giving my time to a company that didn't share my personal values. And when I realized that was my problem, it became clear that exiting was my only option.

I DO think the world needs the service my dream employer (NSS) is selling. I LOVE the place like it's my second home, and the trainers there are part of my carefully-curated tribe. NSS changed my life for the better in every possible way, and so if I can give them my time to help them change MORE lives, then I will. I must. It's my bliss!

However, I'm having to do a little compromising to get there. They can't take me full-time, can't quite justify the expense of a salary for me five days per week. But we settled on three days, and I can make that work by spending two days a week at an accounting firm. So, I'm now out of my unwanted corporate job, and at my dream job three days per week, & my almost-dream-job two days per week. Wow! Am I ever lucky!

Wrong.

It's not luck, not one little bit of it. None. Let me tell you the story of how I've arrived at this "perfect job" scenario:

Thirteen years ago (13!), I picked up a part-time job at DBB, an accounting firm in my hometown. The work was different from my usual bookkeeping, and the coworkers were super-duper-uper nice, so it was actually quite fun to do. Putting in about 15 hours a week doing taxes helped me save up a nice chunk of change. Even after changing my FT job to 30 miles away, and moving 10 miles toward that job, I continued to work tax seasons, driving past my own home to work a second job a few nights a week, and ALLLLL DAY Saturday. It got long, but since it was winter, I wasn't really missing much besides laziness at home on the couch. With a promotion at my FT job, and the distance, I scaled back to Saturdays only, still unwilling to give up the easy money, or disappoint a business that relied on my expertise & expressed their appreciation for me every single day that I worked there. Some years, such as the three years I also trained for a spring marathon during that same timeframe, it was beyond stressful. I chipped away at my sanity to fulfill that job. But it always felt worth it, because the place adored me. I skipped ONE tax season, to train for Boston for the third straight year, but I unhesitatingly went back the very next year (and quit with the spring marathon nonsense).

So, I am now at that job two days per week, plus Saturdays during tax season. I'm excited that I'll be able to help them out more, and I'm excited about the kind of work I'll get to do, because it's my favorite of their workload.

I eased my way into NSS over the past 6 years that I've been training there. I started by making them some Excel templates, enthusiastically helped whenever they had questions in my area of expertise, made sure they knew my skills/love of spreadsheets/financial nerdery, and within a couple of years, they asked me to take over some of the bookkeeping to free them up to do what THEY do best. Because I love the place & what it has done for me, and want to help them do it for others, being there full-time would be my ultimate dream job, and I told them that, often. I made it a top priority in my life to be just as invaluable to them as I could be, trusting that eventually they'd grow big enough to need me more. I gradually did more & more things for them (things they didn't even know they needed, sometimes!), made myself helpful in assorted areas, and worked late on Fridays, on weekends, on holidays, whatever was necessary to get the weekly work in - until finally this winter it became pretty clear to all of us that one afternoon per week was no longer enough time for me to get everything done. I offered up this half-time gig idea, and told them what I would need to make (a pay cut for, but higher than they were anticipating, I'm positive) - and they agreed to absolutely everything.

Just like that, I am at that job three days per week, and I. Could. Not. Be. Happier. They know I want to be there full time, and I am confident they will soon be feeling just as adamant that I need to be there every day - so all we need is the growth to justify it and the P&L to support it. I. Can. Not. Freaking. Wait.

So anyway, all of that babbling is to show that I've worked my ass off to put those two jobs at the top of my priority list, always. Hence, the "luck" that I've landed this dream-job-combo? It's not luck at all. It's pure hard work, determination, the internal drive to be added value to them, an asset they need. I've sacrificed my free/fun time, I've sacrificed my sanity at times, but they have been entirely worth it.

Just like pretty much every success story out there, I worked my ass off, and when the time was right, the opportunity was there to accept the payoff of all those invested years. I've taken a pay cut and lost all kinds of generous big-company benefits to work this combo, but I've dumped a thousand truckloads of stress out of my life, I am working at places aligned with my very core, I've gained my very life back, and I. Could. Not. Be. Happier.

And, my dear sweet soul, there is not a single solitary unique thing in my long-winded story. You can write your own history of how you landed at your dream job, too. You can. You must. I promise you: it is worth the sacrifices you will make for it it happen. Because the sacrifices you make to work a job you hate are not, and never will be, worth it.

So, what is your dream job? What's your ultimate, perfect, ideal, fulfilling gig to pay for the rest of your life? Where can you find your bliss?

What will you do with your time, your single most precious, priceless commodity?

What steps can you take NOW to move you toward that life?

How can you work your ass off to achieve it? 

Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. 

-Thomas Alva Edison

Your bliss awaits.

Run toward it with open arms.

Screaming From the Rooftops

Amanda Trusty got pissed, and then she wrote a fantastic post.

If you are recovering from disordered eating, or body dysmorphic disorder, or anything along those lines, this will likely ring incredibly true to your experience.

I want to scream at everyone, look at me! I’m alive, damn it! I feed myself, I clothe myself, I put myself to bed, I manage my emails, and I even put mousse in my hair. I am alive! And I have survived EVERYTHING up until this point. I’ve never been addicted to drugs! I’ve never gotten a DUI! I have a decent credit score!

I write important pieces and I teach girls how to dance and I stand up for what I believe in and I stand up for those who don’t have a voice and I love hard and I work harder and I follow my heart!

How is it that when you look at me, you can’t SEE that?!

That’s what I want to scream!

Being fat, is honestly the most miniscule thing compared to all the other motha fuckin’ THINGS! 

Please go read it all ranow: http://www.amandatrustysays.com/being-fat/

Take the Stairs

Life is Easier When You Take the Stairs

http://www.raptitude.com/2015/06/take-the-stairs/

I think what most of us really want is an easier life, not necessarily a more wholesome one. We want less trouble and more enjoyment, probably more so than we want achievement and virtue. But what we often overlook is that embracing difficulty in certain places nets us a lot more ease than our usual “easy” ways. Putting in three hours a week at the gym is easier than being out of shape 24 hours a day. Studying is easier than sitting in an exam room not having studied. Doing a good job at work is easier than wondering when they’ll finally fire you.

I’m used to thinking of ease and difficulty as a pretty straightforward dichotomy: we want more of one and less of the other. And maybe in a sense that’s true, but they are often found in the same place and come together as a package. A small amount of difficulty often serves as the gatekeeper to a large amount of ease.

We end up with needlessly difficult lives because we have trouble recognizing ease when it’s hidden behind difficulty. It’s hard to see, for example, in that difficult moment when you’re about to walk into a gym for the first time, that you are taking the path of greater ease: if you get yourself through that short, difficult experience, your life quickly begins to lose a lot of difficulty. Beyond the gate, your health situation is easier, dating is easier, clothes shopping is easier, and so is virtually any physically demanding task you can think of, possibly for the rest of your life. All of this ease is bought for three hours a week, which themselves quickly (and permanently) become many times easier than they were the first time. 

And so much more.

Every bit of this resonated with me, and I hope it will do the same for you:

http://www.raptitude.com/2015/06/take-the-stairs/

Avoiding Burnout

An interesting take on how to avoid burnout:

http://kentnguyen.com/personal/getting-rid-burnouts/

My Secret to Getting Rid of Burnout Permanently

...

What I have learnt to be extremely crucial in looking at the matter is another way of defining it: burning out is result of not being able to do what you love or what is important to you regularly.

...

The solution is actually quite simple: do what you love and is important to you regularly.

Another way to look at it is to ask yourself: what is it that you absolutely cannot miss out?

...

It feels accurate to me, as someone who has all-too-often hit burnout mode. I've come to realize my key bucket-fillers are trails with friends, barbell dates, quiet time in my backyard, and breakfast with my beloveds. Even when I'm working a ton of hours (three jobs!), these things will keep me refreshed and going strong, with ease. THRIVING, even. Take any of them away, and things begin to fall apart quite quickly.

Winter makes three of mine a big struggle, when my yard is an icy wasteland, I feel like I can't make time for breakfast (three jobs), and my trails may not be accessible. However, as winter is also my busiest work season, the need to refill regularly is magnified. I've either got to find more bucket-fillers, learn to prioritize breakfast outings, or take up a deep-snow hobby like snow-shoeing. Or all of the above.

Interesting side note: a few years ago, merely running was a need, but it has shifted to running TRAILS with FRIENDS, which has become a very important difference. Be sure you are clear on exactly what you need!
 

I hope you already know what you need in your life to feel fulfilled & content & energized for your busy days.

If not, it's absolutely worth taking the time to figure it out, before you burn out again. And if you still burn out, you haven't quite found the right bucket-fillers - keep looking, keep asking, keep searching, so you can keep thriving.

Stop Binges Before They Begin

First things first: everything Stefani writes is awesome; please bookmark, subscribe, etc, because she's pretty much a genius.

This post is a fantastic starting point for anyone who's stuck in the binge/restrict/repeat pattern. It's not a new post, but it was new to me, and every single line of it reads true to my own experience with the binge/restrict (and over-exercise) pattern.

When I was in that pattern, my answer to "how to stop binges before they begin" would've been something like "don't have binge-worthy food in the house" but that is so, so, so wrong. You can binge on anything, from cookies to breaksticks to chicken - and I've done it.

The answer isn't selective food, it's eating enough EVERY SINGLE DAY, so that you don't have the physical need to binge.

Wait, did you catch that?

Binges are not a failing of your mental willpower. They are a PHYSICAL NEED you have prompted by restricting your intake. It is your biological drive to live kicking in, and you can't avoid it, no matter how "tough" you are.

Go read Stefani's post to understand it:

Binge/Restrict:The Most Common Pattern of Overeating, and How to Stop (with Love!)

 ...

Many women who binge and restrict would like to stop bingeing before they stop restricting. They think that they will lose whatever progress they have achieved, in terms of caloric deficits, if they stop restricting first. They anticipate continuing to over-eat, even while they are not restricting. This is an understandable fear — and trust me when I say that I understand how powerful fear can be as a human being in this precarious state.   However: this is impossible.  Deliberate restriction necessarily begets bingeing behavior.  Necessarily.  Restriction must be phased out of our lives before we can stop over-eating.  Willpower does not do the trick.  Hard-lined restriction does not win.   Love does.

http://paleoforwomen.com/the-most-common-pattern-of-overeating-and-how-to-stop/

... 

  

Here's a brief synopsis of my own history: I was trying to eat 1600-1800 calories per day, but averaging 2200-2400 with weekend binges; or I would fast a day or two, and eat more the other days, aiming to average 1800 overall, but again failing that and bingeing on pretty much anything once I hit complete & utter exhaustion.

Post-binge, cue: hating myself, and repeating, and hating, and repeating. For at least a year.

I. Was. Fucking. Miserable.

And I blamed myself, for not having enough willpower, for being dumb enough to try making a Paleo treat and thinking I could moderate intake, for not being able to fast, for ME SUCKING. And I knew it wasn't working, but I didn't know what else to do, because not restricting would obviously lead to massive weight gain. So, continue trying & failing.

I finally gave up, mostly out of sheer exhaustion, but also after reading things written by people like Stefani or Amber. Following their advice, I put my trust in my body, not even caring anymore if I gained weight, just knowing I absolutely could not sustain this life of misery any longer.

When I stopped restricting, something wild and crazy (that's sarcasm) happened: I landed at an average intake of 2200-2400 daily ANYWAY, but without the binges that made me hate myself. Instead, each day I was well-nourished for my exercise, which fueled positive feelings via runner's high and lifter's badassery, and I became a MUCH happier person.

I didn't balloon up into a fat cow, either! I looked exactly the same, because my intake was, on average, exactly the same; but I didn't have to beat myself into exhaustion & hatred along the way.

Truly, it was that simple.

It was a process, it wasn't always easy, but it was a bajillion times easier (& healthier) than the restrict/binge cycle had been.

So please, if you're stuck in this cycle, I implore you to try this route instead: focus on making sure you are eating enough, instead of focusing on how little you can get away with.

What have you got to lose, besides the hatred?