And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.
–John Steinbeck
Right? How many places could this apply in your own life, if you reduced your impossible sky-high standards for yourself, and realized that you have the same permission to be flawed & imperfect, and to make mistakes, that you so easily grant to others.
What if, instead of berating yourself for not being the thinnest, strongest, fastest, smartest, most generous, most kind, most thoughtful, hardest-working person on the face of the planet, you stopped and celebrated what you are: GOOD ENOUGH.
You are good enough, here & now, this very second, you flawed & imperfect human. You are good enough.
You are.
Think about areas you've been striving for perfection, and why. And how necessary is that perfection: what will it get you if you achieve it? Is it worth the price you're paying to keep trying? Are you sure?
Here's some brain-vomit-style thoughts on areas in my life that I admit I can be good enough, and perfection is not worth seeking:
Weight: Once I stopped trying to be thin, and instead tried to be healthy, whatever that might look like, some truly amazing shit happened. I felt better, my goals became easier to achieve, and a ton of stress disappeared. I no longer feel like shit every day; I sleep like an angel; I don't fail long runs left & right; I am progressing in my lifting; I don't obsess over my calories. And my body looks the same, which may not be perfect, but is certainly GOOD - because it's fit enough for me to do everything I want to do, and that outweighs looking perfect every time.
Running. Once I stopped competing in races, I stopped getting injured, and I started having fun. By removing the pressure of specific distances, I ran what felt good, I ran with friends, I soaked up nature. I stopped often to admire wildlife & sunsets & sunrises. I fell back in love with running when I immersed myself in the fulfilling reasons I run rather than in the outcomes of my runs. So what if I'm going slower & shorter and no one is impressed by my running? I am loving it, enjoying the hell out of my runs, staying healthy, and I will happily accept a lifetime of mediocre miles, rather than short stints of glory followed by deep valleys of injury & depression.
Lifting: I'll admit I'm still working on this one, because there are days I get irrationally upset that my pulls are going backward when I want them on a relentless forward march every time, reality be damned. But I'm becoming more forgiving when I do go backward, because I know that in the big picture, 18 is not much different than 15. Either way, I'm strong as shit, and that is what matters.
Being an adult: In many ways, I have my shit together (job skills, financial savvy, healthy lifestyle). In many ways, I absolutely do not (messy house, phone avoidance, potty mouth). But I do not give a flying fuck about most of my failures. I have decided that anyone who comes over and disapproves of my dirty floor or unmade bed is welcome to clean it themselves, STFU, or GTFO. These things don't matter to me, and they shouldn't matter to the people who matter to me. Sure, I wish I could just pick up the phone & make the damn oil change appointment already, but is my phone anxiety really such a character flaw that I need to work on fixing it? Should I make the effort to swear less and be more professional in my daily life? Meh. The important pieces of life get done, and that's good enough.
Being a good person: I am harshly critical of myself, at levels NO ONE could live up to, and yet I forgive anything & everything in my people, because I love them beyond belief. I wish that I could feel the same about me. I'm working on forgiving myself for my flaws, for understanding that I'm not and never will be perfect, and my standards are just plain stoopid. I know that I need to, I can tell you that you need to, but yes, I know it's a struggle.
Struggling to be perfect is exhausting, because it's an impossible undertaking. As you seek perfection in one area, you will drain your capacity in other areas. If you're an Olympic athlete, hey, that might be worth it, because someone will step in and manage those other areas for you. But for the rest of us, our priorities are many, our focus is constantly shifting, the demands on our time come from every direction, and we simply can't be the best at everything - probably not even at any one thing.
If we continually fight that reality, we will eventually find ourselves in survival mode, still trying to do it all but sucking at most of it. I've been there, and it's hell.
So let's admit that we can't do it all, and also kick ass at it.
But let's realize that we can do what we want, and do it well enough to enjoy our days. And isn't that the whole point?!
When we find that balance, that sweet spot where obligations do not feel like such, goals are motivating, activities are fulfilling, and our people are given our love, we shall not simply survive, but we shall thrive.
And that's what I really & truly want: to thrive.
Join me, friends. Seek "good enough" with me, and thrive on.
