Stretching Your Limits

This weekend I was privileged to crew a 100-mile footrace for a good friend. He finished 11th, which means he was fast enough for we his crew to also see the super-elite lead runners coming through the aid stations, and it was utterly amazing to watch all of these talented people.

But I am equally amazed by the runners who were on the slow end of the race, the ones who struggled through that brutal course to finish before the 38-hour cutoff at 10pm on NIGHT TWO. That's some indomitable spirit and mental toughness that I envy beyond belief.

And it has me thinking: while I might not ever be on the elite end, I could work on becoming mentally strong enough to be last. I'm not saying I ever want to run 100 miles; not at all. But I'd damn sure like to be mentally capable of something that badass.

Everyone crossing that finish line, hell, the STARTING line, had to face mental & physical lows during the race (& their training) that most of us will never consider putting ourselves in a position to experience.

Yet many all of us will eventually go through mental lows not of our own choosing: injury, death of a loved one, job loss, divorce, etc. And I think the best way to prepare for those is to choose situations that produce temporary lows.

People who push themselves into lows by choice will be far more resilient when the un-chosen lows come their way. They've learned how to cope with lows, and they know how to claw their way back up out of them. They know that the low is not the end. It's only temporary; it may be a deep dark valley, but if they keep going, if they keep pushing themselves, they'll come back up out of it - and they'll enjoy the amazing view at the top of the hill that much more.

This post reminds me of the runners in that race.  You can always do a little more. And once you believe that, you will know that you have no limits.

100 miles is impossible only if you think it is.

http://successify.net/2013/05/23/stretch-3-ways-to-do-more-with-what-you-have/

In life, we determine a task is too hard or impossible long before we have really tapped into our full abilities. This is the root of failure. Determining our full ability based on a flawed misconception of what we think is our limit.

Winners are not just the people who are vastly superior. They are the people who will give just a little bit more than the common person. One more phone call, one more mile, one more push or effort. When the voice in their head says, “You’re done.” they still go a little further. And it is in that extra effort where all of the growth happens. The real victories and successes happen after the point where you first thought, “I should give up.” Because when you stretch to accomplish something great, you never return to your original size. You grow. Mentally, physically, emotionally. And the next time you have a big task to accomplish, your reach will already be a little farther. 

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

This morning I was listening to a favorite podcaster talk about how he thinks people should be able to get by on less sleep, to function on a night of very low sleep, just toughen up & figure out how to handle it.

That's the way I was raised too; it's a hand-in-hand component of the good ol' work ethic. Work hard, play harder, and get by on 6 hours. Half my damn family seems to be comprised of manure pumpers who work 20-hour days for 6-8 weeks every spring & fall, and they declare that "you just get used to it." This includes my own brother, one of the badassest men I know, who in theory shares the exact same genes as me. He'll tell me that sleep is a luxury for the weak, just suck it up and work through it, ya fucking wimp.

But...some of us honestly can't.

Believe me: I've tried and I've tried, and it never works out. It always turns FUGLY. I feel guilty and lame and weak for needing 8 hours, but I NEED THEM. There is no question that without at least an 8 hour average, I will fall apart. Sometimes I need more than 8. And no amount of willpower & determination & ambition to be as tough as my big bro and get by on less has worked for me, ever. Again: I've tried many times, and I've failed every. single. time.

Whatever genes we share, he is tougher, and that's just the way it is. And yes, it sucks and it's not fair and wah wah wah. But I've stopped crying, built a bridge, and gotten over it. It is what it is.

I'm sleep-sensitive. I need 8 hours, they need to be in a dark room, and I need to be wearing ear plugs. And some days I'll need 10 hours & a nap, too. If you think that makes me weak, then so be it. You are entitled to your opinion. (As for me, I'll take this one.)

Those 8+ hours are what allow me to squat & bench & deadlift & pull-up & run up mountains & help my people & love others & tolerate stress & stay healthy, so I WILL get those hours. I will certainly be jealous of my bro & his 6 (or 4), but I can't change it. And that means I should neither apologize for it, nor fight it, nor (most importantly) dwell on it.

In fact, since I've been getting enough sleep, I wake up naturally, without any kind of alarm most days (if my dog lets me), and feeling good. Happy. Looking forward to my day. I didn't used to feel that way, and I'm pretty damn sure my brother doesn't wake up feeling that way, like, ever.

So maybe the need for 8 hours is actually a gift, after all. I definitely wouldn't want to go back to waking up cranky & exhausted. It's much better this way, knowing & acknowledging my limitation and working within it.

Which brings me to you: what limitation or weakness makes you frustrated & angry? How can you turn that viewpoint around and see it as a gift that has actually enhanced your life?

Stop the Hacking & Just Do Work

Yes, yes, yes, praise Zeus, everything here: Why You Should Stop Hacking Your Life and Invest in The Journey

It’s sexy and easy to frame a narrative of the overnight success story — WhatsApp, Instagram, and American Idol are perfect examples of how the media can twist reality to multiply page views and amplify ratings. But take a peek behind the curtain on any so-called instantaneous triumph and you are certain to find an objective truth that doesn’t fit the neatly packaged narrative. Because every genuine, sustainable success is birthed only from incredible persistence, interminable patience, invisible defeats, rabid dedication and unrelenting passion.

https://medium.com/@richroll/why-you-should-stop-hacking-your-life-and-invest-in-the-journey-7f838b1fa228

False Personas

How utterly exhausting it must be to put on a different persona for different situations, to always be "on" instead of your plain ol' self.

Obviously I understand there are times when one should be professional or formal, and not drop f-bombs constantly (although, if this COULD become acceptable in all situations, that'd be fucking bomb dig) - that's not what I'm talking about.

But to be a different person on the job, a different person with friends, a different person on a committee, a different person amongst family - that is what I'm talking about. That's a life that will exhaust you.

It's so much easier to just be real and genuine and always YOU.

It doesn't take any extra effort to be yourself, you just...be you. That shouldn't be at all exhausting; it should be freeing!

And if the real and genuine YOU isn't good enough for all of those situations, then either decide to work on you, or just say a hearty "fuck off!" to those people and who they need you to be.

You need to be you, and you are enough.

Mindset

Today I noticed my skirt was rather snug, and I thought: "Hm, this must be my first wearing since the last wash, and it hasn't gotten stretched out yet."

But there are days (too many to count) where instead I might have thought, "Jesus, I'm such a fat ass."

Same body size, same skirt, same snugness...but vastly different thoughts, because of a vastly different mindset.

I'm no longer obsessed with my size and wishing I were thinner. Yes, unfortunately, I do still wish I were thinner, but I'm also able to recognize that I am perfectly healthy the size that I am, and that's more important than aesthetics, and so I'm not beating myself up about it. (Most of the time. I am SO not perfect, yo.)

If your initial thought is more along the lines of the second one, blaming the "problem" on your hateful body, know that you CAN change your inner dialogue. It takes time and it takes effort, but a serious mindset shift is possible, and oh so worth it!

Start by reacting to that second thought with a correction that resembles the first. What is REALLY happening? Respond to yourself with the that logical reality. You may not believe it, but it's a starting point. Keep doing it, and eventually that logical reality will take over.

And hey, maybe it really IS that you're fatter than the last time you wore it. That could be the logic as well as the emotion. Then the question you need to ask is: does it matter? Because unless you're unhealthily overweight, it Doesn't. Fucking. Matter.

Your body has a happy point where you feel good, you move well, you have energy, and that may or may not mean you have a layer of fat over your strong muscles. It. Doesn't. Fucking. Matter.

Convince your brain of that, and you will be a hell of a lot happier.

Thoughts on Work

Almost three weeks ago, my company laid off about 25% of the staff. Some of the folks who were cut had LIVED AND BREATHED their job for years. It was their life, their identity, their worth; they were perfect, walking examples of the culture espoused by the company. Yet their position was determined to be extraneous, so despite their utter devotion, they are left jobless.

This is shitty, and it's a good lesson.

It offers up serious perspective for we who remain, and anyone working anywhere: yes, we may love the company; yes, we may love our coworkers; yes, we may love our jobs; but IT IS A JOB. It is not our life, not our identity, not who we are. Be willing to bust ass temporarily, absolutely, when times require; but do not, do fucking NOT, bust ass indefinitely. It simply isn't worth it.

This also applies to someone building a business, a brand, creating a new world that needs attention & devotion & nurturing. That person may very easily let their identity become that new business, a dangerous thing. Yes, you may need to throw yourself in for a long, long while, but you must aim to build a business that doesn't indefinitely require slavish devotion to succeed, so that you can gradually remove yourself from full immersion, and enjoy a return to normal working hours that allows time with your people & your hobbies.

Either way, worker bee or top dog, it's simply not sustainable to invest your everything in your career. Even if it's fulfilling and energizes you, do you really want it to be your whole life? Would your significant other agree with such a priority?  Your kids? Your pets? The friends & relatives you're too busy to visit?

When you're at work, yes, please commit yourself. But when your hours are up, drop the worries, leave them right at that desk, and walk the fuck away; you'll pick them up again tomorrow. But leave them there each night.

Go home. Go play. Go love. Be there, fully present, in YOUR LIFE.

5 Pictures That Make You Feel Beautiful

Lately it's a thing on Facebook to share five pictures that make you feel beautiful. While I love the idea of finding things you like about yourself, and celebrating them, every time I see a friend do this, I cringe.

While some of these pictures are more about the feeling they had at the time (such as hugging a child), most of them are pictures from a wedding, or posed family shots, where they were specifically dolled up to look their best.

This tells us that most of the time, in ordinary everyday life, they do not feel beautiful, and some may think it's sad that they don't feel beautiful every moment.

I think it's a goddamn tragedy that anyone even thinks about it.

Because here's the thing I want them, you, me, all of us to get: no one cares what you look like. And if they do, fuck them and their shallow bullshit. Yes, that goes for your significant other, too.

Think about it: I hope you can agree with me when I say that I don't give a flying fuck what my friends look like. I care who they are inside: kind, funny, generous, smart, fun. They don't need to lose weight or gain weight or get stronger to change my opinion about them; fat or lean or in between, they are the same wonderful person to me, and the outside is irrelevant. If they are supermodel beautiful on the outside, but act like assholes, then we're absolutely not going to hang out.

The extent I might care about my friends' appearance is this: are you healthy enough to do the things you want to do? That is all that matters. If that's possible in your body's current state, then you are perfect as you are. You should post 5 pictures of those fun activities you can do.

If it's not possible in your body's current state, then start making progress, whether that means more strength or more endurance or whatever, to do those things you desire. And you should post 5 pictures of the efforts you're making.

And if, in those 5 pictures, you are a sweaty, ponytailed, unmakeuped messy disaster, then all the better!

Because the way you feel is more important than the way you look, and maybe when we stop trying to show only our best appearance, and instead just show ourselves in our real, honest glory, however that looks, we'll finally understand that it is in fact the GLORY of us that our loved ones truly love to see.

Our people don't care if we look perfect - they just want us to be perfectly happy.