Let Go of ALL or NOTHING

Extremistan is not a happy place to live. Read this for some good advice on finding moderation.

Many people think that in order to benefit from something, they have to go all-in. The problem with this is that, for most people, the opposite of going all-in is going, well, all-out. Going all-out is about much more than the extra calories consumed. Going all out can lead to some pretty destructive eating behaviors and habits. Behaviors and habits that can be really hard to break, like eating until you are absolutely stuffed, or eating anything in front of you simply because it’s there.

https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/blog/mindset/all-or-nothing/

Pursuing Happiness

This post is quite the homage, and I think a good life goal would be to be the sort of person who has things like this written about them.

But also it's got great, concrete advice about HOW to work toward being that relentlessly positive person.

It starts with presence. According to studies, 46.9% of your waking hours is spent thinking about what isn’t going on in that particular moment. For instance, as you walk down the street, your mind often goes to future conversations or past events instead of focusing on the present.

 http://markfisherfitness.com/dedicated-pursuit-happiness/

Ten Good Commandments

Number one is THE reason I am the fit person I am.

1. Thou shalt feel the love

It’s impossible to sustain something you hate long term, so don’t concern yourself with what is the better calorie burner or muscle builder, but instead experiment with a variety of things. Embrace that which feeds your fitness soul and eschew others. If it is fun and enjoyable you will want to keep doing it.

http://www.bodyforwife.com/the-10-commandments-of-getting-and-staying-in-shape/

Be positive! I SAID BE POSITIVE.

OMG YES.

People’s reactions to perceived unhappiness, especially in women & young people, are interesting. Those reactions are often very intense. Strangers & acquaintances alike feel compelled to chastise me for not being grateful for my life, or to remind me that my situation could be worse, or that I’m beautiful & should therefore go through life gifting the world with my permanently bared teeth.

It’s worse online, where Instagram & Facebook often feel overrun by positivity pushers who replace fitspo with memes that demand I never feel bad or self-conscious or anything less than 100% pure gratitude for every single experience of my day. Everything is a gift, the positivity pressure tells me, so say thank you.

https://ontheuplift.wordpress.com/2016/04/04/positivity-pressure/

Up and Down

Jenny Lawson is one of my favorite writers. Book, blog, anything, everything.

This post is on living with depression. If you've ever had it, read this.

http://thebloggess.com/2016/10/10/up-and-down-and-up-again/

Hug for Your Health

Listen, the world needs more hugs.

You can give them.

And you SHOULD.

http://paleoforwomen.com/4-reasons-people-who-hug-are-healthier-and-happier/

Self-Care For The Depressed

Yes to everything written here, from one who's been there:

Self-care includes a lot of adult-ing, and activities you want to put off indefinitely. Self-care sometimes means making tough decisions which you fear others will judge. Self-care involves asking for help; it involves vulnerability; it involves being painfully honest with yourself and your loved ones about what you need.

I am reconstructing my ideas about what it means to take radically good care of myself. I am making it a priority, to the detriment of other priorities, because I have to come the realization that my life depends on it. I will tell the truth about my present self-care, even though I have zero assurances I am getting it right. Because a) getting it right is not the point (but God, do I love to get things right), and b) the other thing nobody tells you about self-care is that it’s nearly impossible to know if you’re doing it right, until months later when you either find yourself feeling better or shittier.

https://themighty.com/2016/09/self-care-how-to-take-care-of-yourself-when-you-have-depression/

Food Is Fuel

Informative AND entertaining reading:

When you refer to food as fuel it does NOT mean that you dismiss all the things that food is and does. It does not mean that you see fuel as the only story about food. Rather, it’s a way of communicating food to people who desire simplification of eating in a way that they can relate to and follow.

Hang on; we’re going to get all science-y on your ass.

http://www.bodyforwife.com/in-defense-of-food-as-fuel/

On Self-Care

I love this phrase: socially exhausted.

I’m not going to call myself an introvert because I find the term has become overly popular lately, with online quizzes that label anyone who doesn’t want to put pants on sometimes or likes to relax quietly after a night out as introverted. If I had to put a name to it, I might call myself “socially exhaustible.” I can function in social situations, even enjoy myself, but getting to know new people or spending time in crowds or groups drains me pretty quickly. I love the people I love and draw strength and joy from them, and I do genuinely like learning more about new friends, but I need some regular and intentional me-time if I want to continue functioning.

If that sounds like you, READ DIS:

https://ontheuplift.wordpress.com/2016/10/06/self-care-for-the-socially-exhausted/

The Coveted Work-Life Balance

Pete Dupuis is in the world of fitness business consulting, a father, and a damn good writer. This post is specific to his experience, but the lessons relate to just about anyone.

Finding balance in my own personal and professional life is not a finite game. Due to the constantly changing circumstances of my life, there will never be a moment where I can say that I’ve found the permanent recipe for work-life balance. Instead, I can only tell you what has worked for me in the past, and you can go ahead and cherry-pick the ideas that bring value to your search for balance.

http://www.petedupuis.com/blog-1/2016/10/19/lessons-learned-while-chasing-the-elusive-work-life-balance

Smartypants Womenfolk

A bunch of really smart women sound off about current trends in strength training, and it's all gold.

Go read it, maybe you'll find a new genius to follow!

...

Without further ado, I have asked some incredibly amazing female health and fitness professionals to discuss what fitness trend they dislike. While on any other occasion, I would have made sure that I represented an equal amount of males and females, the fact that females were completely excluded from the article made me want to give women as much exposure as possible. Enjoy!

...

http://www.meghancallawayfitness.com/my-blog/the-female-perspective-on-fitness-trends-that-are-downright-ineffective-insulting-and-dangerous

Goals Evolve

This post is written specifically about how training goals evolve, but I think it's true of how ANY area evolves. Read it a second time while thinking about nutrition, or your job, or even the state of your house.

I found it great food for thought because it feels very accurate and applicable in my own life. In the performance realm, I hope it helps me to stop judging aesthetic goals as superficial, and performance goals as worthy, which I've found myself doing lately. Yet neither goal is be-all and end-all, and without the former I myself would never have discovered the latter...thus making all of it worthy.

http://markfisherfitness.com/evolution-training-goals/

Short-Circuit Your Feedback Loop

I'm currently reading Mark Manson's stellar book, and this post is a direct excerpt from a section definitely spoke to me. (I highly recommend the entire book, there are links to do so in his post.)

Back in Grandpa’s day, he would feel like shit and think to himself, “Gee whiz, I sure do feel like a cow turd today. But hey, I guess that’s just life. Back to shoveling hay.”

But now? Now if you feel like shit for even five minutes, you’re bombarded with 350 images of people totally happy and having amazing fucking lives, and it’s impossible to not feel like there’s something wrong with you.

It’s this last part that gets us into trouble. We feel bad about feeling bad. We feel guilty for feeling guilty. We get angry about getting angry. We get anxious about feeling anxious. What is wrong with me?

https://markmanson.net/feedback-loop-from-hell

Stop the Struggling

Nia lays out my past life in a nutshell. Maybe yours, too.

The all or nothing approach isn’t just flawed — it’s dangerous. The “all” end can lead to obsession (some may binge eat, develop disordered eating habits, use exercise as punishment, etc.), shame and guilt (from being unable to sustain such a rigid methodology), and of course dissatisfaction from never reaching one’s goals. The “nothing” end is, well, where you don’t do a damn thing; you don’t work out regularly or make consistent smart food choices. Since you’re not “doing the plan perfectly” you decide not to do anything.

I can't say I've got her solution down pat, but I can say I believe it IS the solution, and I'm striving for it.

http://www.niashanks.com/struggling-build-fit-and-healthy-body/

Losing Your Mind Over Nothingness

Oh man, does this description of her mental spiral sound familiar to me...

So, I let a situation that is completely irrelevant to me, out of my control, and 100% not my business, absolutely destroy my day. Oops.

I obsessed over it. I talked it through with my bestie. I ate approximately one bazillion chocolate-covered almonds for dinner. I might have done a little bit of crying.

I tried to take my mind off of it, but I kept choosing to replay everything in my head over and over again.

http://us5.campaign-archive1.com/?u=17c1d1bd92a5e1774fe0e76f8&id=e96a46b091&e=7eef2ecd59

Calorie Counting: Maybe Don't

Depending on who you are, calorie counting may be a No Good Very Bad idea for you.

For me it was temporarily okay, to learn where I was & where I should be, and how to pick the right foods for my workout needs...but I continued to do it for YEARS because I am exactly & precisely reason #3 that you will read in this post.

http://paleoforwomen.com/5-reasons-to-stop-counting-calories-right-now/

If you are also a high-achieving perfectionist, and you feel you need to count calories in order to get your eating in order, then my recommendation is that you put a defined TIMELINE in place before you even begin. Go ahead & log calories for X days or X weeks, using the info to make smart nutrition decisions, and then once you reach that point, STOP.

If you've been doing it right (with the goal of learning how to eat right for your body), then you will have built the habits necessary to continuing eating to your needs, and you'll hopefully have learned how to gauge that based on your body's feedback, NOT simply on what the little calorie-tallying charts tell you.

Here's where I am today:

Every now and then, when I start to feel terrible (low energy, poor sleep, etc), I realize I am probably not eating enough, so I count calories for a few days to see where I am. Invariably, I find that I am about 500 calories south of where I should probably be - so with that info, I STOP COUNTING and start making a conscious effort to add more calories. Soon enough, I feel strong & badass again.

Every now and then, when I start to feel like clothes aren't fitting right and maybe I'm a little fluffier than I want to be...I DO NOT start counting calories. I merely pay better attention to what I'm eating, and I realize that I probably should stop buying chips & pizza for a while, until my usual good habits are back in charge and most of my intake is en pointe. Then I can buy chips & pizza again, and they remain "sometimes foods" until I get out of whack again.

And my friend, listen to this: I am not bouncing back & forth between these options on a weekly basis. The first happens 1-2 times per YEAR. The second, again 1-2 times per YEAR.

This is a life worth living, far more enjoyable than tallying every calorie every day for the rest of your miserable life.

And you can get there, I know you can - if I can do it, ANYONE can do it. I believe in you.

Steps Toward Normal

A continuation of her prior post, which I shared last month:

It is so important to note that my unhealthy lifestyle was not the cause of my problems, it was just a symptom of a larger issue, not being true to myself and not living an authentic life. I think this is the case with most people who adopt unhealthy eating and workout patterns. A larger issue or stressor is causing them to use exercise and nutrition in a negative manner to control whatever they are feeling powerless over. Like an injury, unless you address the root cause of the problem, you will never find a permanent solution, and will likely experience one setback after another. I eventually recognized this, and made loving my authentic self and living my life openly a huge priority. After all, doing so was a choice. This is when all aspects of my life changed for the better, including my workouts and nutrition.

http://www.meghancallawayfitness.com/my-blog/owning-it-part-2-how-to-create-a-healthy-lifestyle-after-spending-years-having-a-dysfunctional-one

Stop Trying To Have It All

My version of this is a constant struggle for me, and I suspect it's true for most of us.

What’s changed is not our inability to manage our time or “balance our lives” between work and play. What’s changed is that we have more opportunities for work and play than ever before — more interests, more awareness of every potential experience we’re passing up. In short, we have more opportunity cost.

And we’re made aware of this in a terribly connected way each day. Every person who decides to sacrifice their dating life to advance their career is now bombarded constantly by the rambunctious sex lives of their friends and strangers. Every person who sacrifices their career prospects to dedicate more time and energy to their family is now bombarded with the material successes of the most exceptional people around them at all times. Every person who decides to take a thankless but necessary role in society is now constantly drowned in inane stories of the famous and beautiful.

So how do we respond to this new, overly-connected culture? How do we manage our FOMO?

You CAN and SHOULD read it all: https://markmanson.net/you-cant-have-it-all

People Are Medicine

There is something to this, I feel the truth in my soul:

If social isolation and betrayal (especially by people very close to you) facilitate and even trigger addiction, then healing and building meaningful relationships (complete with the requisite vulnerability) might be a partial “cure” for addiction. 

What a beautiful idea: people are medicine.

http://dallashartwig.com/people-medicine-addiction/

Ignore the Guy in the Next Lane

Life lessons:

The truth is that those in the habit of comparing themselves to others will never get to a point where they are content. Even if they look around and see that they have more money, a better job, a bigger house, or more talented kids than everybody in their neighborhood, there will always be somebody who has more. The constant comparison and fighting to be “the top” only leads to a lifetime of disappointment, criticizing others, and bitterness. There is no “top”.

Is there a better way? I think so.

Here are 4 tips for focusing on the best possible YOU...

All here: http://successify.net/2016/09/06/lose-at-life/