Saturday, August 30, 2014

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

This morning I was listening to a favorite podcaster talk about how he thinks people should be able to get by on less sleep, to function on a night of very low sleep, just toughen up & figure out how to handle it.

That's the way I was raised too; it's a hand-in-hand component of the good ol' work ethic. Work hard, play harder, and get by on 6 hours. Half my damn family seems to be comprised of manure pumpers who work 20-hour days for 6-8 weeks every spring & fall, and they declare that "you just get used to it." This includes my own brother, one of the badassest men I know, who in theory shares the exact same genes as me. He'll tell me that sleep is a luxury for the weak, just suck it up and work through it, ya fucking wimp.

But...some of us honestly can't.

Believe me: I've tried and I've tried, and it never works out. It always turns FUGLY. I feel guilty and lame and weak for needing 8 hours, but I NEED THEM. There is no question that without at least an 8 hour average, I will fall apart. Sometimes I need more than 8. And no amount of willpower & determination & ambition to be as tough as my big bro and get by on less has worked for me, ever. Again: I've tried many times, and I've failed every. single. time.

Whatever genes we share, he is tougher, and that's just the way it is. And yes, it sucks and it's not fair and wah wah wah. But I've stopped crying, built a bridge, and gotten over it. It is what it is.

I'm sleep-sensitive. I need 8 hours, they need to be in a dark room, and I need to be wearing ear plugs. And some days I'll need 10 hours & a nap, too. If you think that makes me weak, then so be it. You are entitled to your opinion. (As for me, I'll take this one.)

Those 8+ hours are what allow me to squat & bench & deadlift & pull-up & run up mountains & help my people & love others & tolerate stress & stay healthy, so I WILL get those hours. I will certainly be jealous of my bro & his 6 (or 4), but I can't change it. And that means I should neither apologize for it, nor fight it, nor (most importantly) dwell on it.

In fact, since I've been getting enough sleep, I wake up naturally, without any kind of alarm most days (if my dog lets me), and feeling good. Happy. Looking forward to my day. I didn't used to feel that way, and I'm pretty damn sure my brother doesn't wake up feeling that way, like, ever.

So maybe the need for 8 hours is actually a gift, after all. I definitely wouldn't want to go back to waking up cranky & exhausted. It's much better this way, knowing & acknowledging my limitation and working within it.

Which brings me to you: what limitation or weakness makes you frustrated & angry? How can you turn that viewpoint around and see it as a gift that has actually enhanced your life?

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